This article is a humorous rant on the ills of the folding bike and its humble rider. This article appeared in a recent edition of Citycycling online magazine

The most dangerous type of cyclist that you are likely to encounter on the road are those that choose folding and stowable push-bikes. The models to watch out for are Brompton, Dahon, and Moultons (especially models such as the APB Land Rover, Bridgestone and other variants).

All these bikes are becoming increasingly popular and the Moultons in particular are ridden too fast. Now if you can read the badging on any of these you are way too close! Easiest way to identify folders are by their minute wheel size and the rider who invariably is tall and educated. The fact that they cycle bikes with tiny wheels may be a kind of inverted power statement.

When asked though, they will always use logic to explain that the shape of the bike helps it fold easier. This is not the real reason. No, no and thrice no! Folders crave attention in a way that can only be equalled by the metallic-arsed beauty of the sensuous Renault Megane. Their confidence and logic is what frightens me. In any argument with these men (and women) you are going to come off badly. Firstly they’ve paid anywhere from 500 to 2000 pounds for their miniature bike so they’ve probably spent years thinking about their steed.

Secondly a high proportion of users actually work for the legal profession so know their rights and how to exercise them. Others work for the media and are friends with Jon Snow of Channel 4 (another Brompton person). They may also harbour a suppressed desire for a Harley. So if you see someone on a Brompton, Mouton, Dahon or any bike that ends in ‘on’ beware! Their bikes may have wheels smaller than my daughters first Barbie bike but the riders are tough and streetwise. The fact that the bikes can be folded in seconds allowing the cyclist to disappear is their ace card. This has wrong-footed many an adversary. With this shape shifting technology they can get on to any fast moving train and reappear in front of you again twenty minutes later. It’s this ability to morph that makes these machines appear sinister. But that’s not the real reason I would have them added to my growing list of bikes to be banned.

Read the full article at Citycycling.co.uk